Divorce Agreement

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest   election process has made me realize that I want a divorce…. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own
way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political   correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N… But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We’ll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S.  And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

The document above was forwarded to me by Ghostriderandfriends.wordpress.com. It was sent to him by a man I will refer to as Bob, who no doubt possesses very strong and bigoted opinions. Opinions which unfortunately resonate with many individuals residing in the southern and Midwestern states of the United States of America.

Documents such as these are nothing new. They are the product of America’s conservative right-wing establishment, which is basically opposed to anything and everything that requires the one thing their multitudes are incapable of – an objective thought process. Too many years of indoctrination by their political and religious leaders has atrophied their brains to the point that all they can do is repeat the senseless rhetoric taught to them by their parents, who in turn got it from their parents, and so on… These people are opposed to change, even if change is for the betterment of the people of this great nation we are so very fortunate to live in.

My first reaction when reading this “Divorce Agreement” was to simply ignore it. After all, what is the point in addressing comments so close-minded that they appear to be written by someone possessing the mentality of a sixth-grader? Yet I felt compelled to respond, if for no other reason because it is our right as Americans to express our opinions, regardless of the consequences. Furthermore, it is important that those of us with more than a basic mammalian brain, who can use logic and common sense to discuss sensitive issues, are heard. All too often the only voice we hear is that of the mindless fanatic whose rants are repeated time and time again. In the year 2010, in the United States of America, it is about time that this voice is silenced, silenced by the firm and un-assuming voice of reason. We don’t need to squeal as Sean Hannity squeals; we don’t need the pompous act of pill-popping Rush Limbaugh; nor do we need the arrogant conceit of Bill O’Reilly or Ann Coulter. What we do need is to be heard, and no longer to ignore those who indoctrinate the masses with little more than simple words such as Values, Patriotism, God and Country.

I’ll address the main points made in the preceding document without going into too many specifics for the sake of brevity. My response is basically just that; my response. Those of you who disagree with me or would like to add your own commentary are obviously free to do so:

As should be clear to the reader, quite a few generalizations were made in the referenced document; this was by design. There is no question that the author attempted to discredit any opposing views by trying to make those views appear to belong to  socialists, Marxists, et al; a simple tactic for the simple-minded; nothing could be further from the truth.

I suppose the author, who pretends to be a “real” American (I didn’t know he was an American Indian) never read our Constitution and is therefore unaware that we have the right to elect our leaders. No doubt if it was up to him and his posse the President of the United States would be appointed by those in power, rather than elected by the people. Needless to say this appointment would be made by like-minded individuals such as Bob, who no doubt would control the military. I may be wrong, but it seems to me that this kind of thinking is un-democratic. In fact, it is what most in the free world would refer to as a communist dictatorship. One simple question does come to mind: How are Bob and others who share his views going to continue to pay their ever-increasing taxes? He claims to disapprove of redistributive taxes, and while those he supports are millionaires, most of the Red States are comprised of ‘yahoos,’ many of whom struggle to make a living. I would really want to know how some poor farmer or Wal-Mart sales clerk in Arkansas, Alabama or Tennessee is going to continue to pay for those taxes that their rich and criminal Republican friends in Washington are exempt from paying year in and year out.

And yes, I do believe you would be dumb enough to keep your greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, greedy CEOs and rednecks. And you’d better keep that “hot” Alaskan hockey mom, because I can assure you that nobody else wants her. Remember the presidential elections in 2008, when John McCain’s advisers suggested that she refrain from speaking to the greatest extent possible? Unfortunately for them she didn’t comply; the ding-bat opened her mouth and the manure she released was enough to fertilize all the cotton fields east of the Mississippi.

In terms of the Muslims, you Republicans did a really terrific job of connecting with them during the last decade. But never mind that, you “tough guys” are all about aggression and “kicking ass,” not dialogue. And you really “hammered” those places that threaten us. This is why your brain-dead idol George W. Bush invaded Iraq, with the excuse of weapons of mass destruction; weapons that have yet to be discovered. And why to this day American soldiers are losing their lives in this senseless war.  And speaking of hammering, you’ve really shown the Taliban haven’t you. This is why after all these years your military still hasn’t found a 6-foot 5-inch, bearded Saudi on dialysis with a laptop and AK-47; some intelligence!

As far as I’m concerned, you can definitely keep your Judeo-Christian values, even though this country wasn’t founded on them – you moron. Our Founding Fathers fled Europe to avoid religious persecution. Their goal was to establish a new Republic in which religious freedom would be tolerated, not punished. This is exactly what they did. In doing so they also made it a point to declare a wall of separation between Church and State, as Thomas Jefferson wrote:

“Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should “make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” thus building a wall of separation between Church & State.”

This was quite an important mandate which your faith-based politicians don’t seem to be aware of since most of them can’t go to the toilet without their un-holy Bible. They should put it to good use; as toilet paper, which is about the only thing it’s good for. With all its fairy tales, myths and superstitions: talking animals; the stories of Adam and Eve and Noah’s Ark; the invention of heaven and hell; and all the rest of it. Staying on the subject of religion for the moment, you can also keep your religious leaders.; professional pick-pockets such as Pat Robertson, Billy Graham and the late Jerry Falwell, among others, who have made vast fortunes by extracting money ‘donated’ to them by the ignorant masses which you are a part of.

And why would I not expect you to keep your gas-guzzling SUVs and pick-up trucks? You certainly seem to enjoy knowing that the rich are getting richer while the poor get poorer. It’s obviously important for you and your kind to keep the money flowing to those filthy-rich oil companies, the same ones who are contributing to the slow but steady destruction of our planet. These just happen to be among the wealthiest of all corporations on earth, yet what have they done for you lately? And by the way, if it wasn’t because Barack Obama bailed-out American car manufacturers you would more than likely be driving one of those Subaru station wagons you alluded to earlier.

Contrary to your opinion, every human being in this country does deserve to have health care; this is a right, not a luxury. Doctors should be paid and paid well for their many years of study and commitment. But for health care facilities to charge thousands upon thousands of dollars for basic services is criminal. Hospitals and pharmaceutical companies fill their pockets with billions of dollars annually acquired from insurance companies and Medicare. Don’t you realize that this money ultimately comes out of taxpayers’ pockets? Certainly you can’t be that ignorant. This entire issue with health care was a serious problem that needed to be addressed. Obama’s health care reform may not be ideal, but it attempts to correct a serious problem in this country and more importantly the prevailing mindset that only certain individuals have the “right” to receive medical attention, and that those who are less fortunate and their children don’t share this ”right.”

You can keep the Battle Hymn of the Republic but no thank you; I believe we’ll both share the National Anthem, our history, our name and our flag. But while on the subject, you can certainly keep your Gospel singers and those twangy-sounding country “stars” like Willie Nelson. Hearing them sing actually upsets my stomach.

I will agree with you in that I don’t much care for Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand (she spells it Barbra) or Jane Fonda either. Although Barbra sure can sing better than Dolly Parton and all the rest of your hillbilly artists combined.

Well, there you have it. I have perused your “Divorce Agreement” and made some significant changes to the document. I certainly hope you read the revised version with an open mind, although I realize this is not your forte. And Bob, it won’t be me helping you or you helping me exclusively that will get us through the next 15 years. We will only make it by working together. And in closing, as our friends south of the border would say; “adios amigo.” TGO